Excuses

We at Sleep Is For The Weak are expert excuse makers when it comes to our babies and sleep. There’s always something we can dig out of the bag to explain why our little one can’t get some solid rest. Try these out for size.

A. The growth spurt

So I know some babies have been on a growth spurt for 9 months continuously. Feeding like crazy at night. However, this does not invalidate the strength of this great excuse. Who cares that growth spurts are meant to come at certain intervals. Babies are growing all the time aren’t they?

B. The developmental milestone

Use this as an excuse, especially if your friend’s baby has not reached the relevant milestone. Oh little Imp is so busy reciting Dylan Thomas poetry at night in his head that he can’t stay asleep. It’s just too exciting for him. (note, may be more convincing if you use an actual milestone such as sitting up, rolling, talking, crawling etc.)

C. The ‘he’s so talented, he doesn’t need that much sleep’ response

This is a good one if you want to talk up your baby, and insinuate that s/he’s likely to work in a high powered job where you often need to function on little sleep. Oh, little Imp would be brilliant in London’s top law firm. He just doesn’t need more than a few hours sleep a night. Of course then, you might have to hide the fact your baby is about to have a screaming breakdown because s/he is so tired.

D. The age old teething excuse

Red cheeks, dribbling for England, snotty nose, a little grizzly at times? Why not blame baby’s sleeping on teeth. The poor little Imp couldn’t possibly sleep for more than an hour at a time with pain like that. We’ve tried Calpol and Medised but they’re just not doing the trick. We think he’s after something harder …

E. The ‘incredibly alert and socially advanced’ excuse

This is Swizzler’s personal favourite: ‘no, Loudboy isn’t great at sleeping but he’s developing so quickly (i.e. quicker than yours, missus) and is so interested in what’s going on…’. Translation: I may be sleep-deprived but my son is going to be fantanstically successful and keep me in gin in my old age. So ner.