Excuses, excuses …

You know the drill. You’re wearing your comfiest trackies (which you may or may not admit to still being maternity wear) fast approaching the other pram wielding lady in the park with her twin set and pearls whom you met at your antenatal NCT class. You’re full of dread. She’s going to ask all the usual questions.

It’s so lovely to see you A, and how is the little Imp?

Oh he’s wonderful, really growing up fast. And how is your little Monster?

Yes, great at 6 months, he’s already eating a four course dinner, and of course he can sign all the letters in the alphabet forwards and backwards. His nanny taught him that. And how is the Imp sleeping now, I remember you were having a hard time …

Oh, so there’s the awful question. At this stage, you could quickly lie and run a mile or delve into our bag of excuses that we have created for situations like this.

A. The Growth Spurt

So I know some babies have been on a growth spurt for 9 months continuously. Feeding like crazy at night. However, this does not invalidate the strength of this great excuse. Who cares that growth spurts are meant to come at certain intervals. Babies are growing all the time aren’t they?

B. The Developmental Milestone

Use this as an excuse, especially if your friend’s baby has not reached the relevant milestone. Oh little Imp is so busy reciting Dylan Thomas poetry at night in his head that he can’t stay asleep. It’s just too exciting for him. (note, may be more convincing if you use an actual milestone such as sitting up, rolling, talking, crawling etc.)

C. The “he’s so advanced, he doesn’t need that much sleep” response

This is a good one if you want to talk up your baby, and insinuate that s/he’s likely to work in a high powered job where you often need to function on little sleep. Oh, little Imp would be brilliant in London’s top law firm. He just doesn’t need more than a few hours sleep a night. Of course then, you might have to hide the fact your baby is about to have a screaming breakdown because s/he is so tired.

D. The age old teething excuse

Red cheeks, dribbling for England, a little grizzly at times? Why not blame baby’s sleeping on teeth. The poor little Imp couldn’t possibly sleep for more than an hour at a time with pain like that. We’ve tried Calpol and Medised but they’re just not doing the trick. We think he’s after something harder …

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3 Responses to Excuses, excuses …

  1. swizzler says:

    My favourite in my personal bag of excuses is the Incredibly Alert and Socially Advanced line: ‘no, Loudboy isn’t great at sleeping but he’s developing so quickly (i.e. quicker than yours, missus) and is so interested in what’s going on…’. Translation: I may be sleep-deprived but my son is going to be fantanstically successful and keep me in gin in my old age. So ner.

  2. amberjee says:

    Brilliant. I might use that myself today.

  3. […] not in the bag Have a rummage through that bag of excuses Amberjee talks about and get rid of a few ‘reasons’ your baby is not […]

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