Baby 1 and baby 2!

I have started to think that at around tea time someone comes to our home and secretly swaps my boy with a cloned copy. He looks the same, smells the same but the big difference is baby no.1 sleeps like a dream during the day and baby no. 2 needs physical contact and singing to go to sleep and wakes frequently through the night!

How can this be the same child? For his day time nap I place him in his cot with his dummy and his blanket, say ‘time for sleepies’ and walk out and close the door. He chats to himself for a matter of minutes and then falls fast asleep for at least 2 hours.

Fast forward 6 hours to bedtime…. I try the same again only this time all hell breaks loose. We have tears, shouts for mummy and subsequent throwing of all wordly possessions out of his cot. So I stay, I sing and I sit beside him until he goes to sleep. 

I cannot leave him to cry so what do I do?

For now I will carry on and hope that one day, as with his nap, he learns it’s ok to go to sleep on his own.

Progress – of a sort

Last night was the best we have had in a long time. Loudboy slept from about 11:30pm until after 4am, albeit in bed with us. Tonight has seen another small breakthrough. I’m trying to adjust things really slowly, one week at a time. Last week was Put Loudboy To Sleep When Tired (And Not Before). This week is Settle Loudboy In Cot (Not In Arms). If he gets too cross I will pick him up, but tonight he didn’t. Thanks to lots of tickling and funny noises, he eventually curled up in his cot and went to sleep. Now if he repeats his 4-hour stretch tonight I’ll be dancing in the streets tomorrow morning.

Too busy worrying to enjoy those special moments?

I spent most of yesterday with a good friend and her son who is 4 weeks old today and I  realised something about myself…

There have been times in my little boy’s life when I have been so busy worrying about what I was doing ‘right’ that I haven’t stopped to enjoy those special moments.

My friend and I decided to visit my mum yesterday for a change of scenery (we all know how much we need that in those first few weeks!) and while we were sitting in the conservatory it started to pour with rain. I watched with joy as this new born baby marvelled at the noise and the excitement of such a new experience. My mum piped up ‘oh Rudy used to love that too’ …….. I thought did he ?

I realised that yes, she was right, he did used to love it. Only instead of being fascinated by his little face learning something new, I had missed it and instead was probably bombarding my mum with the following questions….

*Do you think he looks tired?

*Should I try to put him down?

*Do you think I should make him wait for his next feed or feed him now?

*Do you think it’s wrong that he sleeps in bed with us?

………you get the picture!

And so now I realise that my mum has enjoyed and stored those memories for me because I was too busy worrying and trying to do the  ‘right’ thing. I won’t be doing that anymore!

Are our expectations simply too high?

Having read ‘Trapped’ by Kate Philpot in Sunday’s ‘Style’ magazine, it occurred to me last night that maybe there is nothing wrong with how things are, but that my expectations of how they should be are unrealistic.

In today’s society women are constantly fed the idea by the media that we can infact have it all. But can we? The truth is I don’t believe we can.  As kate Philpot’s article demonstrates, juggling a high powered full time career, children, a husband, working out, looking good and a social life takes it’s toll and unfortuately the people who usually suffer are the children. As Kate writes……

“The more I did, the more people seemed to think I was capable of. Lacking the courage to admit that I wasn’t coping, I began to feel a failure in every area of my life. At work, too tired to speak in meetings, I would just smile and nod, hoping nobody would notice. Ironically, given the chance to talk uninterrupted, clients sang my praises and recommended me to others.

At home, I was so tired and stressed that it was rubbing off on the children. I have never felt lower than the day my son drew sad, angry faces on the back of a cereal packet and said it was a picture of mummy”

She closes by saying ” I didn’t settle for less; I settled for happiness.”

It got me thinking. Maybe I can’t have it all.  Don’t worry this is not another WOHM/SAHM debate but more an account of the moment I decided to love what I have.

In every other way my gorgeous boy is a dream. He hardly ever cries, he’s sociable, funny, bright, full of life and I love him more than anything. If not being the best sleeper in the world is his ‘imperfection’ then i’ll take it and be thankful.

Cellulite and sleep!

I was watching television this morning when a GP commented on something (cellulite, I think it was) that if there was a ‘miracle cure’, the market wouldn’t be flooded with hundreds and hundreds of products. Hmmmm…..

A bit of a strange analogy you might think, but it just made me think about these books that offer the remedy to getting your baby to sleep. There are certainly some great resources out there and for sure, certain things work for certain bubbas. It’s just a  shame that they don’t offer money back guarantees if they fail to get the job done!!!!

I’d like my highchair with a recline please

What is with these reclining highchairs? “The seat back rest has four recline positions so that baby can go from eating to sleeping without being disturbed.” And then the ones with ‘unique cocoon like form’. Apparently there are kids out there who fall asleep while eating. I can hardly believe it. But not mine, I promise. The other day I was in a children’s shop with a hairdresser out the back and a kid fell asleep while having his hair cut. Bless him. Apparently as soon as the hairdresser touches his hair he always falls asleep!

Too tired thinking about sleep to sleep!

Last night my lovely boy went to bed at 7pm and there wasn’t a peep out of him until 12am. We’re usually guaranteed this 5 hour stretch so we decided to make the most of it and get a relatively early night. The only problem being that while my darling husband and son slept peacefully on either side of me I lay awake thinking about sleep! Now there’s an irony if ever I saw one!!

My mind just would not stop mulling over the options. If he wakes at 12 should I give him some milk or make him wait? If he wakes at 12 should I settle him with his dummy in his cot or let him come into bed with us?

He did wake at 12, i did give him his bottle and he did come into bed with us. Another night of no willpower on my part!

If I felt strongly one way or the other about co-sleeping it might make the whole matter alot easier. As it is I mostly like it but also wish he would stay in his cot and free up some much needed space in the bed!

I might embark on a journey to educate/convince myself that co-sleeping is the best/only way and then at least I’d feel I was doing something right! (makes note to go buy ‘3 in a bed’)

Self doubt?

So today didn’t start too well. My darling boy woke in a bad mood and so did his mother! Last night was no worse or better than recent nights but for some reason today I was riddled with self doubt and insecurity.

Am I failing my little boy because I won’t/can’t leave him to cry it out at night? Is it wrong that his cot is still in our room and that he spends half his night wedged in between his mamma and pappa? Is it wrong that he spends most of his day with me rather than going to nursery? And so the list goes on……

Following on from ginger’s post I firmly believe that I would not feel this level of self doubt if I had not read so many baby ‘guru’ books while I was pregnant. I do trust my instincts and I do put my son’s needs above my own but on some days at the back of my mind is that niggling doubt of ‘but the book says…..’

The best thing I ever did was put all my baby books in a box and put them away. It stops the temptation to re-read sections if you’re having a self doubt day (SDD) as I call them and rely wholey on what feels right and what your child needs.

Now if only he would need a full night’s sleep we’d all be happy….ha! 

 

Thanks for that wonderful midnight surprise

So while Tibsy was battling the midnight feast, in our house we battled the midnight nappy explosion. Seriously, he could have timed it a little better, or gone a little more regularly to prevent it blasting out the top of the nappy and up the back of his vest resulting in a complete clothes change in the middle of the night. Of course, then he thought it was play time after all that FUN activity.